This morning I was furiously wrapping Christmas gifts for our children, while watching yet another one of those predictable Christmas specials - a movie about a woman who ponders whether she married the right man as she faces another financially tight holiday season. The movie carries us through some twists and turns - nothing challenging to the mind - and finally arrives with the protagonist having learned that, indeed, materialism is not what it is cracked up to be.
Years ago, I used to grind my teeth while watching those shows. Mostly because I thought, surely, they must have been part of some imperialist scheme to keep the poor content in their poverty. See, I grew up poorer than dirt and often suffered from the "if onlies"; if only we could afford that vacation or if only we could purchase that new television or car or whatever other significant "need" may have arisen in my child's mind in those years.
I was singlehandedly the most disappointed and frustrated young lady I knew. And that attitude carried over into my social life as well. I believed if I had only had at least a middle class income behind me, I would have been loved by all, befriended by many and left alone by class and neighbourhood bullies. I am not certain that I was aware, during those years, that I actually thought it through rationally, but, as the years have passed, I have come to realize and accept that this was most probably where my head and heart were.
And, sadly, as I watched that movie and wrapped those gifts this morning, I realized I have never exorcised the demons that accompanied that mentality.
See, it struck me that all of this gift giving; my being able to give my children what I could not have as a child, was actually being done for my benefit! For that little girl inside me who bought all those aforementioned lies for most of her childhood and even into adulthood, as it turns out. Hard to admit. Harder to renounce.
What I do remember is this:
In 1985 I gave my life and heart to Jesus Christ. It was like falling in love. And I knew my lover would never leave me. This is often the way it is with new Christians. But, dear reader, pay heed, because this is very important. My first Christmas with Jesus was horrible. Yup, you read it right the first time. But not because something horrible happened. It was quite the opposite actually. It was a lovely holiday, in which I met my future husband's family and even got to spend some time with my own family.
Rather, it was an issue of relativity.
You see, compared to what Christmas had meant to me in the previous 24 years, the day to day presence of Jesus in my heart, acting on my behalf, was astounding! Earth shattering! Profoundly joy filled! I could literally go on and on, expounding on the intense positive influence He had had in my life over a very short period of time.
I think that was when I had my first real run in with the reality of the futility of materialism. However, it never really took form in my mind. Again, there was only this fleeting sense of things, nothing really concrete developed in my mind. And so, I was too young to understand it's implications and how to apply it to my life.
Now I have lived a rush of things since that time and place and here I am, still buying into the lie that the more I have or the more my children have, it is going to give us/them more peace, joy and satisfaction. It suddenly and sickeningly struck me I had tasted the best and gone back to the trash. Ouch.
That was followed by a deep conviction that I need to start praying, asking God to show me how to teach this most weighty lesson to my children in the midst of giving them all this "stuff". And I wondered if it were too late.
And then I remembered. Not only has He promised to be with us forever, even until the end of all things seen, but He has promised us guidance, protection and His peace and joy when we obey. Most importantly, He has promised us that, with Him, all things are possible.
All things.
Even eliminating the wounds imposed by a sadly mistaken and slow to learn parent like myself. And I am pretty sure He won't insist I throw out the Christmas tree and give all the children's gifts to charity to get it done, either. Not even close. Because, really? These kids are His and He is still in charge, on the throne and more than capable of cleaning up the messes I make without my assistance. And sometimes with it. Either way, He's the boss and He will do the best, because He won't go against His own Word.
Now that's what Christmas is really all about, wouldn't you say?
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